Middle Earth Music

Very, very, happy. Listening to the Kaiser Cheifs again, but not as loudly as yesterday, because I have a slight headache.

Guess who’s number one in the Hobbiton chart at the moment? It’s not the Crazy Frog or the Baarmy Sheep, oh no. It’s the Insane Orc. Why do people buy it? We hate orcs round here, why would anyone want to have it? Not really my kind of thing. There are a few hobbit songwriters, including me, but my songs are very different to everyone else’s. To start off with, they’re not folk songs.

There are a couple of record shops around here – you can tell the human influence when you walk past a corner and see a large HMV megastore. I like His Master’s Voice, I do. It’s my favourite shop.

Originally, the only record shop round here was Rosie’s Records. It was a shop owned by Rosie Gamgee (you know, Samwise’s wife. Remember them?) but when she sadly passed away it was passed onto her son, Frodo. Don’t get confused. This is Frodo Gamgee we’re talking about here.

Frodo, however, didn’t particularly want to own a record shop, so he sold it onto some nasty, scheming water-dwelling hobbit (apparently a relative of Smeagol and Deagol) who sold off all the records and turned it into a shop for selling bottled water. What a waste of time. It was a lovely record shop, it was sad to see it go.

So when some humans came to Hobbiton and examined our humble town to make a film about Mr Frodo Baggins and his quest, they suggested that we get a new record store some like they do ‘back home’ (Upper Earth, I like to call it). So they built an HMV. It’s brilliant! It’s not just folk music like Rosie’s Records. It’s how I managed to get all my CDs like the Kaiser Cheifs, who I’m listening to now. Cool, eh?

Middle Earth radio isn’t very good. You get some great stations that do brilliant morning shows and rubbish evening shows, and you get some that do appalling morning shows but do excellent evening shows. Very confusing. Some play good music. Some don’t. *shudder*

There are a few hobbit bands that you may have heard of. Hobbit Squad (a load of nasty, little chav hobbits – we hate the chavvy hobbitses), HobbitFly (I like them, they do 60s-style music) and the Hobbit Sisters (don’t be fooled! They’re not really sisters, they’re just hobbits who like wearing feather boas). And of course, there’s Keane. Great band. Tom Chaplin is definitely a hobbit.

Anyway, must go. Have a lovely day. Go and buy some hobbit records!